Hated and Loved??
My brother whos 9 continuously hits me(Im 13) and berates my mother. My mom herself is depressed and so is my dad so I guess its genetic. Anyway, My mother and I are both depressed but I SH. We try to help each other but I was raised to never speak up. If I did then Id get hit. Im scared that if I speak out that my dad will find out and return to his old ways. Hes getting better but hes resorted to medical marijuana(?). Im so tempted to smoke it when hes gone but I have to raise my baby sister while everyones gone. And shes started hating me too. Im also a transgender male and my mother thinks its her fault. I would talk to her about this but then shed just think its her fault too. HELP
It's great that you're brave enough to speak up and ask for support right now. It sounds very overwhelming to cope with your own depression, as well your parents' emotions. It also seems as though you're supporting your younger sister while seeing your younger brother speak disrespectfully towards your mom. I imagine you are experiencing a great deal of emotional pain when you are self-harming. That's a lot to weigh on your shoulders. Are you or either of your parents receiving treatment for depression? If you are not currently seeing a therapist/counselor or psychiatrist to treat your depression and cannot reach out to them for support, have you been able to discuss your emotions with any adults you trust? It may be difficult and frightening to share your experience (especially if you did not receive support for doing so in the past) but expressing what you have been going through to an adult you trust can get you the help you need. If you are concerned about your parents might react, you can also reach out to a trusted teacher, coach, or guidance counselor. Speaking with an adult about your experience can begin the steps to get you connected with counseling or therapy, which in turn can provide you with support for your emotions and help you to build positive coping skills. If you'd like to explore available mental health professionals in your area, you can check out psychologytoday.com. All you need to do is plug your zipcode into the 'Find a Therapist' search bar.
It's also necessary to know that it's no one's "fault" (including your own) that you identify as transgender. Your gender identity is not something that requires any blame, guilt, or shame. It's great that you had the courage to share your gender identity with your mom, although she may not have given you the support you were looking for. Another resource that might be helpful for you is The Trevor Project, which provides 24/7 support to LGBTQ youth at 1-866-488-7386. The Trevor Project is available through call or text, and you can also check out their website at http://www.thetrevorproject.org/. If you'd like to explore more resources for coping with self-harm, you can also check out http://sioutreach.org/. There you can find personal recovery stories as well as strategies to cope with the urges to self-harm. Additionally, you can check out http://butterfly-project.tumblr.com/ for another helpful strategy. We are available 24/7 via call or text at 888-222-2228 if you need any further support! Please don't hesitate to reach out! Thank you for contacting 2NDFLOOR Youth Helpline!